As I sit here at my computer and ponder the past year, I’m overwhelmed with a sense of thankfulness and gratitude. The beginning of this year was far from what I would ever desire. January marks the month where I was in the early stages of a developing depression; a depression that would change me in more ways than I could ever imagine. I struggled for months as to why I felt so sad and desolate. I had lots of love from friends and family, all the blessings I could ever dream of, a great relationship with God- I’d even go as far to say that I had a close to perfect life. The way I felt made no sense to me or my family, but no matter what I did- I just couldn’t shake the feeling of hopelessness. I can’t number how many days I cried, or how many days I felt like my life was worth nothing. Nor can I tell you how many times I felt like a robot who was just going through the motions of life- faking a smile to fool all of those who just wouldn’t understand.
This is all very personal, I know. But I feel like in order to start this new year off the right way, I need to share this with my readers. Depression made me into the person I am today, and I’m thankful for that. What seemed like the worst possible thing in the world, ended up being the biggest blessing imagineable.
After months of struggling, I finally decided that going to a doctor might be the best thing for me. I tried to work it out on my own and I got absolutely no where. So there I was, sitting in a doctors office telling her all my problems and how I felt. I doubted that any sort of medicine could help me get past the mental battles rumbling around in my brain, and boy was I wrong. I started taking the medication and after two weeks, I was able to function a little bit better. No longer did I dwell on thoughts of negativity and pessimism. My life began to look up again, and I still feel great.
But do you want to know what was so great about this whole experience? I’ll tell you. The greatest part was my constant reliance on the Lord. My relationship with God strengthened so much through this experience; even to the point where I can honestly say God is my father, best friend, helper, and encourager. Depression showed me how much I needed to rely on God. It showed me how important a relationship with Him is, and how I cannot handle anything on my own. Depression has also made me a more relatable person. I have been able to help SO many people who struggle with the same thing. God used (and continues to use me) through what I went through. He has sent me people; some close friends, some acquaintances, some strangers. He has sent them to me so I can help them and show them that they have hope in Jesus. A hope that cannot be thwarted by any mental condition- A hope that is everlasting and will never fade.
I’m almost in tears writing this. Not because I am sad, but because God is so miraculous and faithful. I am a light for Him. My sole purpose in life is to radiate the love and forgiveness that comes with a relationship with God, and I am fulfilling that.
Though the experience was draining, exhausting, and definitely not enjoyable, it molded me into a tenacious warrior for Christ. I am now so strong in my faith that not even the bitter hatred towards God from fellow college students or professors can sway me. I can now move on into this new year knowing that I am a new creation in God.
There’s one specific verse I’d love to share with you all. This verse is what God used to get me through my year of depression:
“And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
I hope my story has inspired you in all walks of your life. My testimony’s purpose is solely to show how God’s plan is always the best plan. Never doubt Him, and remember that He is always there. You are never alone.
If anyone would like to talk to me or have me pray for them, don’t be afraid to send me an email. I’d love to help you in any way that I can. Have a beautiful new year and remember to start this new year off right- with God. with love, samm.